To create more ease in my life, I have been exploring the instinctive portion of my gut that says, no, this is not safe.  Imagine a rabbit that gets the whiff of a dog on the breeze.  They don’t stop to think, “I see his name tag says Chewbarka, how bad of a guy can he be?”  Nor do they pour themselves a tiny rabbit glass of wine, waiting for the threatening feeling in their fur to relax.  Rather, its ears up, sniffer raised, dog scent =’s run. There isn’t deep pondering going on. There is adrenaline and it is circuited straight into the rabbit’s powerful legs to create movement away from the source of the rabbit’s dis ease.

Rabbits currently have more permission than most humans give themselves to respond to noxious stimuli.  The no that I sense from my gut, roots from a deep instinctual experience.  It is truly no different, nor less dangerous to ignore this sensation than ignoring a pack of dogs is to a fluffy bunny. When we allow ourselves to move away cleanly from an instinctively sensed not safe situation, there is an immediate sense of relief and relaxation as the adrenaline begins to be metabolized.  

Here’s where it gets tricky for humans.  We have noisy minds dictating to us from our trauma and so did our people.  Our own messy story over time compiles with that of the generations before us.  Unresolved trauma obscures the clarity of our instinctual circuits. It mucks up our ability to hold inner boundaries.  Trauma leaves us unattended in places and conversations where our guts are screaming, get the heck out here now!  The adrenaline is released and yet, we decide to stand frozen.  In milliseconds, we have decided that this “foe” can neither be killed nor can we get away.  Without the movement away, there is no relief and the adrenaline stays in the circuits.  This is the birthplace of chronic stress and literally most chronic dis ease.  The hypothalamic pituitary adrenal axis (the HPA) is how trauma manages to feed neurochemically into our daily lives.

To understand why this happens, imagine your deep gut instinct says not safe but an abuser or situation holds power over you.  Freeze (disassociation) becomes our only option for survival.  If this happens enough times in our lives, this freeze replaces our more native stress pattern of move away.  We stay frozen in horrific situations because we have lost the connection between our guts and our strong rabbit legs.  The only way to heal this connection is to find a trusted tribe to hold us as we return and process these scary places in life where we lost our power and connection to our intuitive instincts. Alone, this is nearly impossible.  We are humans and to thrive we need a tribe.

Rape froze a large chunk of my being.  I couldn’t get away and so I froze solid, for 15 years.  The chronic stress of freezing comes with a high price. The organ systems and cells that live in the areas of the freeze do not get the vitality that they deserve. Circulation to these areas literally changes as nerve impulses to these areas change. Eventually, the physical realm begins to cry out through physical symptoms. So much of what becomes chronic illness in adulthood is directly based in trauma and the freeze phenomenon that remain to be taken to resolution.  Beautifully, it was Gabrielle Roth’s version of dancing that brought the energy back to my legs and my lower body.  And with that returning awareness (defrosting) came deep grief, anger and personal struggle.  To be truly intuitive requires great bravery to face our deepest cuts and a solid therapist/coach/shaman to journey with us.  

The only way to develop the ease of an intuitive life is to courageously go back to where we lost it.  The first and hardest steps are to admit that there is deep healing needed and allow trusted others to hold us.  Over the past few years, my intuitive instincts have become wildly in tune. Conscious dance, yoga, boundary work, coaching and unconditional Love have been my keys.  Yours are unique to you. I can’t tell you what they are. I can only tell you that they are worth seeking.

The gorgeous mother and healer that I am is inseparable from my personal healing journey.  Today, I sense the wisdom of my gut with clarity. And finally, I have my powerful rabbit legs back with the absolute permission to use them to move away from anything that does not serve my soul.  It is this permission, my precious tribe, and the Love that has brought me into the greatest ease I have ever known. I am deeply grateful to you.

May this New Year continue to bring clarity and ease into each of our lives.    

-Heather

Healing resources

https://ondhealingandcoaching.com/  the best coach in the world. Ever. Tara.

https://www.being-shanti.com/  for deeper information on the “how to” of boundaries

http://www.evabunker.com/about/ for anyone that has a dream to bring to life

https://dancingfirelizards.com/about/ to dance awareness into being, movement is key

https://www.amazon.com/Sweat-Your-Prayers-Movement-Spiritual/dp/0874779596 best book ever on conscious dance