¨I hold myself in tenderness.¨  This folks has become my mantra this week.  And, it is creating beautiful clarity in the way I am interacting with myself and my world. This is my first clear adult boundary.  I am currently in a beautiful online course with Shanti Zimmerman of Switzerland and an international group of brave souls. Shanti is a boundary Jedi. This is what I have learned so far. My tenderness turned inward is as unique as my fingerprints. I don’t know what yours looks or feels like. I can only tell you this, it is such a worthy investigation and magic will happen if you choose yourself.   

I want to admit that up until the past few weeks, I have handled myself quite roughly.  I have no regrets as I love what I do and who I am so very much. However, I am certain that medical school and residency likely would not have happened without my desperate need for external validation that ruled my 20´s (and really most of my 30´s).  Unlike the majority of other students, I was privy to this insight as it was unfolding. I also knew, even back then, that sometimes external validation with the right mindfulness can be the very thing that tips us into an internal sense of worth. I took a calculated risk.  

Becoming a physician is physical and mental torture.  I know because I lived it. I feel sweaty even typing this line because the culture of medicine is such that we don´t openly speak about the brutality of our training.  Speaking out is in itself is a sign of weakness and is ferreted out quickly and often silenced by some burned out wretch who trained before you. It seems ridiculous now that I allowed the EXACT same sentence to repeatedly silence me.  If you’re a physician you are familiar or may have even used the sentence of which I speak.  If you’re not, it starts like this, ¨Well when I was in training (x number of years prior), insert some version of how much more grueling the training schedule was back then.¨  For future reference physician readers, this is not an empathetic move. I too have been guilty of this. Like prisoners, we perpetuate the violence.

In medicine, speaking out is seen as complaining.  Now, I see how very different these two things are. I was unboundaried.  I willingly participated in a culture that I thought required me to have no boundaries.  Self-sacrifice and silence were probably the two most important qualities that were ingrained in me in my medical training.  These two are also the composite that forms the gnarly roots of many a physician´s depression, anxiety, and psychotropic drug use (both pharmaceutical and elicit). I cannot compassionately lead others towards health and healing without crystal clear boundaries.  And shocker guys, but silence and self-sacrifice are the exact opposite of being boundaried. Being boundaried looks like risking speaking up. It looks like all kinds of vulnerability to me (right now). AND, putting my needs first again and again until it becomes a natural way of being.  Sounds crazy? Like the recipe for becoming a real jerk? The EXACT OPPOSITE IS HAPPENING!!!!!! I am more gentle and kind than I have felt since childhood.

Today, and every day going forward I am committed to holding myself in tenderness.  I am working on my boundaries and getting way more clarity than I have ever had around what this actually means. (thanks Shanti).  For me, for now it is a practice. I don´t instinctively have it quite yet. Amazingly, what I already do have one week into this is such a sense of relief. I feel much safer at home in my own body and being and with others.  

We are all tethered in our journeys.  Where I go, you will feel a pull. May the vibration of this thread serve you in your beautiful unique way.  May you know that YOU matter most. I highly recommend you find and follow Shanti  if this type of work resonates with you.

Artist Credit:  Tenderness – Original Oil, by Jia Lu

Starting solids can be a confusing time for both parents and babies.  As the entire subject matter deserves a book, this short article will serve as clarification around a popular movement called Baby Led Weaning.  

Right around 6 months many babies will lose their tongue thrust reflex, simultaneously begin to have sufficient core strength to sit with their esophagus right over their stomach and finally, their stomach’s lining will begin to acidify.  Some physical indications of readiness for solids include: babies sitting on their own confidently, not pushing food with their tongue straight back out, and deftly grabbing at things on your plate can all be signs of physical readiness.  

Much of the beginning of solids is truly more about exploration than nutrition. Emotionally some children are more adventurous than others. Food introduces brand new sensations through both taste receptors and the tactile senses both in the mouth and their fingers.  Some infants are excited by this new frontier while other babies shy from it. Luckily, until an infant is over 1 year old, the majority of their calories and nutrition will continue to come from breastmilk or formula.  Therefore, there is no need to rush. Know this though, an early refusal usually has less to do with the particular food and more to do with overwhelming sensations. I caution folks to introduce sugary fruits later because the sweetness can alter babies perceptions at both a neuronal and synaptic level.  Sugar, even fructose, is a powerful drug. Antioxidants are naturally a bit bitter. Just keep that in the back of your mind when choosing first foods. Introducing one food every 4-5 days will help you recognize if any given food doesn’t sit well in your infant’s system.

In the media there is a wonderful debate regarding purees versus table foods as the best way to introduce solids to infants.  In my community, Baby Led Weaning has taken hold. With any health movement, I strongly encourage parents to take this type of theory in stride and with a large grain of salt.  There is NO one perfect way to introduce solids to infants. Amazingly, folks have been doing pretty well making the transition to solids intuitively since the caveman days without any internet or commercial influence.

Mindfulness is always the most important first step of any transition.  Pay attention, play present witness to your individual developing baby. Some infants are good and ready for food way before others.  Some have a mouthful of teeth before others. Some infants have no teeth and act like they are entranced with each bite you feed yourself and they beautifully coordinate a chewing motion with just their gums!

Regarding the puree and table food battle, I do agree that most infants have a pretty decent gag reflex to help protect them from choking on their siblings Legos.  And, I do agree that gagging is not the same as choking. However, remember that gagging can scare both mom and infant and this can lead to aversions for both parties.  Know thyself. If you already know that seeing your kid gag is going to give you anxiety, start with purees or fork pressed foods from your plate. Remember that each of your babies temperaments are different.  Some fall and get right back up. Other go down and cry for a good long time. The same analogy applies to your young eaters, wherein some will gag and go right back to getting that baked carrot stick down. Unfortunately, some will not go back and aversions can start forming.

There are specific foods such as grapes, hot dogs, popcorn, raisins, uncooked hard veggies, fruits, and leafy vegetables that require grinding motion (2 sets of molars) or are shaped exactly like the airway of your child and clearly pose risk.  These are known hazards to young children. Even grown children should sit down and eat the above foods carefully. I also strongly believe that all parents would benefit from learning how to help a choking child.  Also, it is very important to be good at recognizing the difference between gagging and choking.  

One very difficult and important final piece is, if your child is gagging, do NOT be tempted to stick you finger in their mouth.  Allow them to work what’s back there forward or your gagging situation can become a true choking situation as your finger accidentally pushes what’s in their mouth further back than where they can’t get hold of it.

In summary, remember physical and emotional readiness come into play simultaneously and both parents and infant are players.  Purees and table foods can be great places to start. And, finally I see no reason developmentally to not use both.  There is no shame in the mush, the pouch nor the convenience of table foods.  They will grow up beautifully nourished whichever way you go.

As always, you know your infant best.  And, in the same moment, I am here for you as you journey.  Reach out with any specific questions.

Over the past few weeks many people have asked me, now what is this Conscious Dance thing you do?  I decided I better write a quick blog explaining what I’m up to as I get ready to start my beginner’s series on Friday in case someone out there needs to be there and didn’t realize it yet…

Conscious dance is a mindfulness practice not terribly different in its purpose from yoga.  You will often find these two practices housed in the same spaces. There are currently over 100 flavors of conscious dance and another will likely be born before I finish this article.  The reason there are so many is because each teacher brings forth their unique transmission of awareness through movement. Amidst these many teachers, there have been influential masters of this art that have touched us all. Through their lifetime of work, they tapped into universal truths and made them apparent and accessible to beginners and advanced dancers alike. This ability to give access to the deep work through a word, a look, or a ritual is what sets masters apart and creates powerful transmission of awareness from teacher to student. If you’re called, there are living conscious dance teachers that can take you straight to the heart of matters, if you’re ready to go.

So why the dance?  Well the truth is, it’s what humans do.  We’ve danced forever. Before our hairy ancestors even had words, humans danced to communicate about their hunts.  Every single human is a dancer. Put on a beat and watch what a young baby does.  They bop. They laugh. Humans in movement have access to ecstasy. I’m not talking about the peak experience kind.  That can be sort of confusing for folks. Alan Watts, one of my favorite philosophers, defines ecstasy in a gorgeous way.  Ecstasy is the sensation of surrendering to vibrations and sometimes to insights, that take you out your so-called self.  In defining it, he contrasts ecstasy to being-uptight. Ecstasy is most simply the opposite of being uptight. What I have found is that there is no faster, more efficient way to get out of my ego-bound head and into the ecstasy of being present in my body than a beat.  I swear. You put one on and I start to reflexively move inward towards that free, baby self, bopping and laughing.

I have to be honest though, this work isn’t all gumdrops and kittens.  Trauma has the ability to freeze parts of bodies. The body really does remember each traumatic event and it stops us from being free in both movement and in our daily lives.  As a physician, I think it is the deep healing that I have witnessed in myself and others through this practice that has led to my desire to teach. Part of why dance works so well as a healing modality is, in movement or the lack of it, we learn about ourselves.  We see our unconscious patterns. We dance our patterns all over the place. For example, it took me years to be able to move in “weird” unconventional ways because I was trapped in a performance and perfectionism. It has taken even longer to loosen up my hips. They are still holding hurts that I am working on.  Luckily, this dancing thing has no finish line. It is instead a lovely spiral that offers us continually, a path home.

If you would like to join us, the link to the Beginner’s Series starting Sept 14th @745pm is below.  Please feel free to email any questions.

https://www.facebook.com/events/307292260032368/

The Dance, art by Rassouli
Website resources for further reading:

http://soulmotion.com/

https://www.5rhythms.com/

https://nianow.com/